Ten Years Later
by annielovesauggie
Summary: CH 11 POSTED. COMPLETE. After completing the mission in Hong Kong, Annie never returns to DC, leaving Auggie heartbroken. Now it's ten years later. Auggie has picked up the pieces of his shattered life and is now a professor at Harvard University. Annie finally returns and tracks him down hoping to explain what happened.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **_

_**Quick synapsis: This story takes place ten years later, after the 'Henry Wilcox' incident. Auggie now is a professor of computer science at Harvard University. Annie has been living in Thailand for the past decade, trying to slay her personal demons. She's struggled with what she'd done and who she'd become. She and Auggie have not been in contact.**_

"I knew you'd come back some day. I just never thought it'd be here."

Annie eyed him carefully. Ten years hadn't changed him much; just a slight graying at the temples and a little more weathered look to his face. If anything, he'd only grown more attractive since the last time she'd seen him. He certainly wasn't dressed like a forty five year old college professor either. He wore dark denim jeans that looked well broken in and a gray 'Harvard' t-shirt that did little to conceal his lean and muscular chest.

"I thought I should meet with you privately before the faculty dinner."

"Yeah. That might've been awkward." He answered a bit sarcastically. Annie paused, unsure how to gauge his words, but then he extended a hand to invite her in. She walked past him and into his apartment.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"What, no tequila?" She laughed a little nervously as she scanned his space. His apartment was small, but airy and bright. Most of the furniture was modern in style with a few pieces of whimsical sculpture scattered about.

When he didn't respond to her 'tequila' joke, she turned and watched him in the kitchen. He was methodically assembling a tray with a teapot, two mugs and sugar. His fingers moved deftly and without fumbling.

"Auggie?"

He turned and she saw the heat of anger burning in his brown eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Um, like I said, I didn't want…"

"No, here; in Boston? Why come to Harvard? I'm sure the great Professor Walker had job offers all over the country. Why turn up here, after ten years?"

Annie paused, unable to answer him truthfully. She told herself that Harvard's offer was the best and that's why she was taking the temporary job as a guest professor of theology. Of course she knew that's where Auggie worked also, but she'd convinced herself that she wasn't going there for the sole purpose of seeing him. But now, standing here, within touching distance of him….she felt like a fool.

"This was a mistake." Her words were shaky as she turned to go.

"Wait."

The strength and depth of his voice commanded her attention. She turned around and watched him walk right to her.

"Maybe it's time for a heart to heart?"

Annie felt dizzy for a moment as the memory of his words washed over her. For a second, she felt like no time had passed at all.

"Okay."

Now, he turned and walked away from her to the sitting area. He sat in an arm chair and waited patiently for her to follow.

"I'm not going to insult you by asking you where you've been."

"You already know." She responded, realizing that he'd kept tabs on her too.

"Yes."

"I followed you too."

His only response was a raised eyebrow. Finally, he spoke again. "Why? I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me?"

Annie felt her heart clench. "No, that's not it. That was never it."

"Then…."

"I couldn't be with anyone…not even with myself….for a long time." She whispered, remembering the all-encompassing darkness that washed over in the days after her last mission.

"You were in Thailand. For ten years."

"Yes."

"Why? Why so long?"

Annie sat back and crossed her legs. "Honestly, I didn't know at first." She exhaled and tried to calm her nerves. "I couldn't come back. I was so lost. Then, it became a new life, so I stayed."

"You never even bothered to call me."

"I couldn't. I don't have the right words to explain it. I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. I wish I could explain it so you'd understand. I wasn't….me. I wasn't in a good place, Auggie."

"Why now?"

"I think…I think I'm finally healed….from what I did."

"What you did? Are you still talking about your last mission?" His voice was incredulous.

Annie closed her eyes and tried to breathe at the memory of shooting Henry Wilcox. "What I did….I didn't know until it was too late, that it's not in my nature. I'm not a killer."

"It wasn't murder, Annie. It was…"

"It doesn't matter how you classify it. If you've kept tabs on me, then you know I've sought out a life that doesn't accept violence in any form."

He laughed. "More than just that. You're a scholar, an author, and a Buddhist."

"I found my calling." She smiled.

"Was it your calling that told you to ditch me and never look back?"

Annie could hear the pain in his voice. "You were part of it. I thought the only reason we met was because of the work we did. I felt like our paths were too tangled with violence."

"What about now?"

"I don't know."

"So, again, why are you here?"

Annie exhaled and said what she only now realized she already knew, "Because I was wrong. We met because we were meant to meet. The circumstances were arbitrary."

"What do you expect me to do? Jump up and down and welcome you back with open arms?"

She laughed nervously. "No. I don't have any expectations. I just came because you're here."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because I never stopped loving you."

Auggie felt the floor dropped out beneath him and he was glad he was already sitting down. "Annie—"

"You don't have to say anything. I didn't come to disrupt your life, but I know…about Julia."

Auggie swallowed hard. "I don't want to talk about her."

"I understand."

Auggie rose and paced back to the kitchen. Annie turned as he passed. The desire to reach out and touch him was almost overwhelming. While so much had changed for both of them, he was still so much the same. Even the smell of him….she found herself closing her eyes and inhaling.

"Annie?"

She realized he'd been speaking to her and she hadn't responded. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

The familiar smirk on his face had her stomach flipping. "I said are you excited to start classes next week?"

"Oh." She touched her cheek and found it hot from blushing. "Yes."

"You've taught before."

"I suppose you already know my resume."

"As I'm sure you know mine."

"I'm glad you're here—at Harvard-and not the CIA. I'm glad you left."

She watched Auggie swallow. She knew a bit about the circumstances that led to his departure, but not all. "Do you like teaching?"

"Yeah. It's more theory than practical application. I teach mostly doctoral candidates at the school of engineering and applied science."

"Well, I don't think we'll be running into each other on campus too often." She laughed.

"No, I guess not."

"I'd like it if we could meet up some time….maybe for coffee?"

"Annie, I don't think that's a good idea."

She swallowed hard and pushed down her disappointment. She'd hurt him—badly. She knew that and accepted it, but it wasn't because she wanted to. At the time, she was so lost. It took her so long to find her path again…there were times she thought she'd never find her way back to a normal life.

"I'd better go." She said and she thought for a moment she saw a flicker of regret on his face.

Annie walked to the door with Auggie trailing behind her. She stopped and put her hand on the doorknob.

"Auggie? I didn't come here to cause you more pain."

He only nodded in response. Annie turned the knob and pulled open the door. She walked a few steps down the hallway and looked over her shoulder. He leaned casually on the doorframe with his hands shoved deep inside his pockets.

"See ya around, Walker."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thank you, my dear reviewers! Your words keep me going and are so truly appreciated. This story is…heavy (for a lack of a better word.) I hope you all will hang in there with me. Please excuse errors. I try to triple check facts/ typos, etc, but sometimes they slip by me. Enjoy!**_

Annie was nervous as she stepped to the podium. The school had set her up in the Lowell Lecture Hall which had capacity seating for 928. Annie was sure there'd be plenty of empty seats available, but to her surprise and delight, most every seat was taken. She'd given this particular talk many times and it had usually been well received, but today was different. Today, in the front row, sat Natt: her son. He smiled at her and she smiled back as she shuffled her papers and began to speak.

"_Hello everyone—my name is Annie Walker and I'm going to read a chapter from my book, __The Assassin Inside.__ Then I'll be happy to answer questions…"_

Two hours later, Annie was swarmed by students and faculty alike that wanted to meet her and have them sign her book. She gladly obliged them. She hadn't seen Natt among the crowd, but then she knew he had classes of his own to get to. Finally, she was able to break free and head back to the rented house that she currently resided in on Walden Street that belonged to a professor on sabbatical. The house was an old Victorian that had been somewhat modernized and in the effort, lost quite a bit of its charm. Annie tried to imagine what it looked like in its prime as compared to the rather boring gray and white structure it was now.

She entered the house and immediately went to the kitchen to boil water for tea. If she was drinking tea, than she didn't have to do anything else, she figured. The house was sparsely furnished, and she had few possessions to add. She didn't know why she felt so unsettled in the new space. After the tea was ready, she grabbed the mug and wandered around the home, trying to relax. She followed the path to her bedroom and only there did she feel peace come over her. Natt had painted her bedroom before she arrived, knowing her affinity for light blue. Now, the crisp, pale blue contrasted with the bright white molding and door. She'd indulged and bought a new bedding set in white with tiny blue flowers that included a luxurious duvet cover. She'd been away from cold weather for a long time, and Natt reminded her that Massachusetts in January could be brutal. It was only September now, but Annie had already begun to feel the hint of impending cold weather intruding on the last of the summer.

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. She scurried down the stairs in time to see Natt walking through the front door. As always, the sight of him stirred her maternal pride. He'd been nothing but skin and bones when she'd first met him, then known to her as Nattapong living in an orphanage. He'd barely survived the tsunami in 2004 that had wiped out his entire family, including his twin sister, Kanokwan. Now, he was a strong, tall twenty-year old in his second year at Harvard University. She could not have been more proud.

"What are you doing here?" She gushed as she rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him.

"I had a little time before my next class. I wanted to make sure you were settling in." He answered in his accented English.

Annie watched him watching her. Sometimes she wondered who was the parent and who was the child. "I'm fine. There's no need to worry about me." She walked to the kitchen and immediately began to pull the makings for a veggie wrap out of the fridge to feed Natt. He was muscular, yet lean as a whip and always famished.

"Your lecture was well received." He asked as she slid the plate in front of him. "Chips?"

Annie responded by pulling a new bag out of the pantry and putting them in front of him. He responded with a grin.

"How are your classes going? Do you like all your professors?"

"Yes. I sometimes have to pinch myself that I'm here. When I was a child, I thought such things were impossible."

Annie felt tears build behind her eyes. He so rarely spoke of his childhood or the years before they'd met. After deciding to formally adopt Natt, she'd thrown all her energy into educating him and showing him the world. Together, they'd travelled to more than thirty countries. She'd often wondered what he would eventually decide to do with his life. When he was finally ready for college, he confided to her that it was a dream to go to Harvard and someday become a doctor and eventually return to Thailand.

"I certainly didn't think my life would take the path it has, but I am grateful for it."

"But?"

"No but. I'm fine."

Annie stared into his deep brown eyes and tried not to flinch. If she were being totally honest with herself, she hadn't been steady and centered since talking to Auggie on her first day here three weeks ago. She'd seen him only once since then; across the common, walking somewhere purposefully with his ever-present cane clearing a path before him. Suddenly she wondered if he still had the laser cane. She hadn't thought about that in years.

"Why are you smiling?"

"I wasn't." Annie stood up quickly to clear Natt's plate and tidy the kitchen.

"You've been acting strange since you arrived." He said as he stood and gathered his backpack.

"Don't worry. It's just a lot…coming back to the states."

"Are you sure it's nothing else?"

"I'm positive." She gently pushed him out the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I can come back for dinner, if you want."

"Go be with your friends. I have work to do, anyway."

Natt jogged easily down the stairs. "See you later, mom."

Annie wrapped her arms around herself, enjoying the sound of those words for the millionth time. For several years after she'd adopted him, he'd called her Miss Annie. Then one day, when he was about thirteen, he switched to 'mom.' Annie smiled at his retreating form and then turned to head back in. It was only then she saw him standing there.

"Auggie." She said, surprised.

"Annie? I thought…." He didn't finish, only moved forward the last few steps until he was next to her. "Is there someone else here?"

"No."

"Who said that? Who said, see you later, mom?" Auggie tilted his head up so that it appeared like he was looking down the street after Natt.

"That was…my son." She swallowed and watched the impact of the words on his face.

"Son? But…." Auggie could not find the words. Son?

Annie exhaled. Would you like to come inside?"

"Okay." He exhaled as he said the word.

Annie tapped the back of his hand, surprising herself at how easily the skill came back to her. Auggie found her elbow and held on. She walked up the short, brick staircase and into the old house.

"Do you mind if we sit in the kitchen? The parlor furniture is a little uncomfortable."

"Sure." He released her arm and easily found the table with his cane.

"Um, would you like coffee or tea?"

Auggie folded his cane and put it on the table. "Coffee would be good."

Annie went about making coffee trying to steady her trembling hands. Finally, she placed two mugs on the table and sat down.

"He didn't sound old enough to be your son." Auggie stated as he reached for the mug.

"He's not mine biologically. I adopted him."

"When?" His voice had gentled a little.

"Seven years ago. He was living in an orphanage in Phuket after his family died."

"Wow. You're a mother."

Annie couldn't help the smile from forming on her lips. It had been a long time before she'd felt like a mother. She and Natt had figured things out together, but somehow they'd become a family. "Yeah." She answered simply.

Annie sipped her own coffee and watched him carefully.

"And he's living here with you?"

"No, actually. He lives in the dorms. He's a sophomore."

"At Harvard?" Auggie asked, surprised.

"It was his dream. He's very bright. At first I tutored him, but it didn't take long before he surpassed me." She laughed, remembering the nights she'd see his light burning long after bedtime.

"So that's why you're here." Auggie leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Not because of me." He smiled.

Annie felt butterflies in her stomach. "I could've stayed under the radar. You'd never have known I was here unless I accepted the job."

"So, did you want me to know?"

"Yes."

"What's his name?"

"Natt."

Auggie smiled. "That's it? Just Natt?"

"His full name is Nattapong Demir."

"So, you've been busy with more than self-reflection in the ten years you've been gone."

Annie bristled and almost commented that she hadn't been 'gone.' She'd been exactly where she was meant to be, but decided not to ruffle feathers. "Yes."

Auggie frowned a little. "I'd better go. I have office hours soon." He sighed to indicate he didn't enjoy that part of his job. He rose and extended his cane.

"I have to admit, it was hard to picture you as a college professor, but you're still you. You still look like Auggie." She felt emotion clog her throat as she spoke his name.

"I think that deep down, we stay the same, no matter where we end up."

Annie watched him drop his eyes toward the floor and a slight pinkish tinge color his cheeks. She wished she could touch him in some way, but was afraid to cross a line. Instead, she remembered her earlier question.

"I thought about something before and I wanted to ask you about it."

Auggie paused in the doorway of the kitchen and waited.

"Do you still have the laser cane?"

Auggie laughed out loud and then stopped suddenly. He realized the sound of his laughter was totally foreign to his ears and he wondered when was the last time he'd really laughed? Had it been since he'd been with Annie? He shook his head and answered her question. "CIA only. They made me give it back." He smiled and walked to the front door.

Annie caught up to him and looped her arm through his before she realized what she'd done. She quickly pulled her arm away. "Sorry." She mumbled.

He turned to face her. So many emotions were running through him. For a second, he thought he might get dizzy. "I forgot to tell you the reason I came here."

"Oh. Right." She answered a little breathlessly.

"I heard your lecture this morning. It was brilliant, Annie." He smiled.

"Thank you. It's one of the more personal lectures I do about the dichotomy between the sense of self and the sense of duty."

"I understood. When you were talking up there…I think I started to understand….what happened to you."

She felt like the world slowed down as she stared into his unfocused eyes. The reason she'd written that book; the reason she was still alive was standing right in front of her in her kitchen. Whatever reasoning or logic she'd used in the past to explain why she'd stayed away failed her now and she felt like a fraud.

"Auggie—"she whispered.

"Anyway, you were a hit." He interrupted, halting the moment from going further.

"Thank you." She shook her head to clear the emotion from her voice before continuing. "Well, I'd comment on some of the papers you've published, but we both know that I have no idea what you're talking about." She said as she led him back down the brick steps to the sidewalk.

He laughed again and again felt déjà vu. They stood facing each other, Auggie with his hands on top of his cane. Finally he smiled and said, "see ya, Walker." He didn't wait for her reply; only turned and walked down the sidewalk with his cane steadily tapping. Annie stood there until she could no longer hear the sound and then went inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: As always, to my wonderful reviewers, I thank you deeply. I appreciate that you're willing to go on this journey with me and see where it takes us. **

xXx

"_Auggie, I'm in trouble."_

"_Julia? Just tell me where you are."_

"_No, it's too dangerous."_

"_Can you leave? I can send a car…"_

"_No. He's watching me."_

"_Get out of there, now. Find an exit and go."_

"_I can't. He'll kill me." _

The incessant beeping of the alarm clock brought him awake suddenly. Auggie sat up and scrubbed his hand over his face. The dream had been a bad one. It had been almost two years since he'd dreamt of Julia and he was hopeful that he'd finally put that horrible chapter of his life in the past, but lately the dreams had come back. This had been the third one this week. He rose from bed, and walked tiredly into the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot. While he waited, he sat down at his laptop to scan his emails. There were a few from students needing help but not much else. He sat there for another moment contemplating reaching out to his old friend Barber at the CIA to reassure himself that Julia's partner in crime was still in federal prison. Logically, he knew that the man behind the plan to use him to gain access to the CIA's highest level of security was going nowhere. But still, the anger and need to know lingered.

In an attempt to push those thoughts aside, Auggie decided to head to the gym for an intense workout. Nothing cleared his mind like physically punishing his body. Coffee now forgotten, he changed and called his friend, Tom as he walked out the door of his apartment.

"Hey." Tom's sleepy voice answered.

"I'm going to the gym. Wanna race?"

"Oh man. Why do you have to bait me like that?" He laughed good-naturedly.

"Rumor has it you've been training."

"Alicia wants us to run a 5K together. I can't embarrass myself."

"Well, I hate to tell you this, but you're going to need a hell of a lot more practice."

"You're not that fast, Anderson."

"Whatever. Gym in fifteen."

"Done."

Auggie walked toward the gym still laughing at how easy it was to motivate his friend. He'd met Tom through his wife, Alicia, who was a professor in the applied sciences department. When he met her husband, Auggie truly understood the meaning of 'opposites attract.' While Alicia was demure and angelic, Tom was brash and loud. He was a Marine that had become a Boston cop. He and Alicia had met when her purse was stolen while crossing the street. She'd managed to give chase for ten blocks before tripping the thief and retrieving her purse. Tom was coming out of the local doughnut shop, a stereotype he proudly copped to, and witnessed the whole thing. It had been love at first sight.

Auggie was already into his third set of reps on the pull down bar when he finally heard Tom's loud voice boom across the gym.

"We doin' this, or what?"

"I figured you might wanna warm up first."

"I stretched on the way. Let's go."

Auggie stood up and grabbed his towel, water bottle, and cane. The two men walked over to the corner where the treadmills were lined up.

"We don't _have_ to race if you don't' want to."

"Chicken?" Tom responded as he hit start.

"Okay. A 5K is 3.1 miles, you know."

"Science geek."

"I think that's more of math geek statement."

"I'm already running."

"I'm not worried." Auggie smiled as he set his machine to a high speed and began running. Unlike Tom, he was already accustomed to running and did so at least three times a week.

xXx

"I'm buying." Tom grumbled as the two men exited the building after showering and changing.

"It wasn't a bet." Auggie laughed as they stopped where the front sidewalk diverged into two separate directions.

"Like hell it wasn't."

"Okay, fine. Have it your way."

"O'Malley's tonight?"

"Sure. Alicia won't be home anyway. She's having dinner with some new professor."

"Oh yeah?"

Tom stopped and watched his friend. Lately, he looked tired and distracted. Something was definitely on his mind. "Yeah, she's from India or something. Supposed to be a famous writer. I never heard of her."

"Thailand." Auggie felt his throat go dry.

"Huh?"

"She's from Thailand, but not originally."

"You know her?" Tom watched as Auggie attempted to appear casual. He knew the man was Special Forces in the Army and definitely had some experience in things not listed on his resume, but Tom was a cop for almost twenty years had had honed some pretty impressive skills of his own. A detective, first grade now, his instincts had served him well and right now, something was telling him there was more that Auggie wasn't saying.

Auggie was silent with his mouth set in a firm line. He debated lying to his old friend, or evading, but in the end he decided the truth would be the simplest, even though it wouldn't be the whole story.

"I knew her a long time ago."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

Tom waited, but Auggie said nothing further and from the look on his face, he had no intention of divulging the nature of their relationship. Of course, his unwillingness to expand upon the nature of their relationship pretty much confirmed that he knew her in a way that was more than just casual.

"Okay, well I'll see you tonight. 6:00?"

"Yeah. See you then." Auggie turned and opened his cane as he turned and began walking to his office.

xXx

Four hours later, Auggie could feel the beginnings of a killer headache building behind his eyes. He grabbed a few migraine pills he kept in the top drawer and swallowed them dry. He sat down in his desk chair and leaned back, trying to stop the room from spinning. He'd finished classes for the day, but had one more scheduled appointment. He was praying the student would be a no-show when he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in." He tipped his chair down and tried to look like his head wasn't being squeezed in a vice.

"Dr. Anderson?"

"That's me."

"Thank you for meeting with me. I know I'm not one of your students, but I was hoping to speak with you."

Auggie frowned. He hadn't checked the name of the student that had reserved the time slot during his office hours.

"Well, I don't know what I can do for you—"

"I'm here on behalf of my mother."

"Wha—"

"Annie Walker. I believe you know her."

Auggie was momentarily stunned, but then gestured for the man to sit. "Yes."

"I think it would be best if you did not have contact with her."

"I don't know what you—"

Again the young man interrupted, "Sir, if you'd allow me to explain—"

Auggie gestured for the man to explain.

"Have you read her books?"

Auggie thought about lying, but it seemed like a foolish lie. He'd read each of her four books as soon as they were published. "Yes."

"There is another book. It's the first book she wrote when she came to Thailand—before she and I became acquainted."

Auggie frowned. "I'm not following."

"It is a journal. A very detailed journal she kept when she first came to Thailand. She was under the counsel of Buddhist teacher that helped her."

"I'm in this journal?"

"Yes."

"What else?"

"I will allow you to read it yourself."

Auggie could hear the sounds of something being placed on his desk. "How is it that you're in possession of this journal?"

Natt measured his words carefully. "She gave it to me several years ago. She asked me to read it so that I might understand her more fully."

"And do you?"

"I understand that she is a person that was asked to carry a burden to great for her to bear."

Auggie bowed his head at his words and fought the sudden wave of emotion that came over him. For years he'd been so confused about why she never came back. He'd been hurt and furious but it had simply never occurred to him that she could break under this moral burden. For him, Annie had been such a pillar of strength and determination. She'd been unbreakable…even when he tested her.

"She's drawn to you, doctor. That's why she's here."

"If you've read this journal, than I think you should call me Auggie." He tried to laugh.

Natt sat quietly for a moment watching the man that he'd only imagined for so long. His mother's journal spoke so highly of him and Natt could only concur with her assessment. He seemed strong, yet truthful. He hoped that this man would honor his request and give his mother the peace that she'd fought so hard to find.

"What will you do, Auggie?"

Auggie reached forward and touched the journal on his desk. It was a spiral notebook. He opened the cover and felt the impression of handwriting. "Well, if this whole thing is handwritten, I'm might have trouble even reading it. My scanner gets testy with certain handwriting."

Natt stood and turned to leave. "I've entrusted this to you now. If you wish to read it and need assistance, you may call me at any time. If you choose not to read it, that also is your decision. Either way, I hope to give you a piece of puzzle that is missing."

"I don't know if your—if Annie would approve of your giving this to me."

"She trusts me to follow my instincts."

Auggie smiled at the young man's statement. It was so very 'Annie.'

"Okay." Auggie said.

"She's not who you remember, Auggie, and I worry. I worry for my mother."

Auggie heard the young man's footsteps as he retreated. He sat there for several minutes stunned. He realized he was still holding the notebook. He laid it flat on his desk and opened the cover, letting his fingers feel the deep lines carved into the paper. The pen had cut into the pulp of the paper and Auggie could almost feel the emotion that coursed through Annie as he touched the lines. He ran his finger over the first few lines and felt the same pattern repeating. He concentrated and tried again. Finally, it became clear to him what it said. He shut the notebook forcefully and pushed back from his desk and strode to the window, throwing it open, trying to push the memories away. Who was he kidding? Ten years may as well have been ten minutes. He'd been wrong about her. So wrong. She'd been broken and alone. He should have gone after her. He should have scoured the globe looking for her. He closed his eyes and let her words play in his mind over and over again.

"_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Auggie. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Auggie. I love you."_


	4. Chapter 4

"He's still exactly where he should be, Auggie. Behind bars without a prayer of ever seeing the outside of a prison in his lifetime." Barber said.

Auggie sat back into the cushion of the couch, releasing the tight grip he had on the phone. He'd had yet another nightmare last night about the mastermind that had put Julia in his path and that had eventually caused her death. "Yeah. Okay. Thanks, man."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just, you know….had to check."

"Okay. How's life at Haaarvard." Barber exaggerated for effect.

"Fine. Good."

"So, you weren't going to mention that Annie's there?"

"Damn."

"Yeah. The thing about the agency…once you're in, we always keep an eye on you."

"Except for those years she went missing." Auggie's voice hardened.

"Yeah. Sorry."

Auggie waited a beat. It wasn't Barber's fault. He and the agency had trained her to be one of their most lethal and skilled agents. She'd avoided detection as long as she needed to. There was no way to find her until she wanted to be found, and clearly she didn't want anyone from her old life finding her. That bitter pill was still hard for him to swallow.

"It's all good."

"So. How's she doin'? It's been ten years, man. How does she look?"

"Um..."

"Duh. You know what I mean."

Auggie smiled. Barber had never given him any leeway regarding his blindness, especially considering he'd learned the hard way more than once that Auggie not only observed as much as a sighted person, but usually more.

"Is she still single?"

Now Auggie laughed. "Why Barber? You interested?"

"Very funny dude. Veronica would have my head for even thinking a thought like that."

Auggie laughed again. Veronica, one of the new techs that had come in after the 'Wilcox affair,' as it had been dubbed, was the center of Barber's world. Married with three kids, they were the very picture of family bliss.

"True. As for Annie, I don't really know what's going on with her. We haven't—"

"No, I get it man." He interrupted. The last thing he wanted to do was drag Auggie back down into the dark pit he'd been after Annie left. Just when he'd started to come around again, he was hit with the whole 'Julia' mess. If anyone deserved a break, it was Auggie. "How 'bout I come up there and hang? It's been too long."

"You're welcome to visit anytime, but don't do it 'cause you're worried about me. I'm fine."

"Dude. Maybe I just need to get away from a kindergartner and twin three-year olds."

"For that, I don't blame you. Just make sure Veronica knows it was your idea." He laughed.

"Yeah, I might have to fudge the facts a little. Just back me up if she calls you."

"You want me to tell her I'm having some sort of crisis that only the great Eric Barber can solve?"

"Well, you know…if you sell it a little better, she might buy it."

"Thanks anyway. I'm fine. Really. Besides, I'll be in DC for the holidays. I'll catch up with you then."

"Okay. Call if you want to talk."

"Yup. Later, man."

"Later."

Auggie hung up the phone and paced the length of his apartment. He wasn't having a crisis, exactly, but he certainly wasn't himself; not since Annie's son, Natt, had dropped her private journal in his lap a week ago. After reading the first few lines, he hadn't had the strength or courage to continue. He didn't even try and have it scanned into his computer. The fact was didn't want to go back to that place—he knew what it was like for him; the pain, the loneliness of knowing Annie ran from him and was never coming back. He didn't want to know what it was like from her side.

He checked his watch and sighed. He was overseeing a research project in an hour and he needed the time to get over to the Maxwell Dworkin building on Oxford Street. Auggie loved the modern building, which was named on honor of the mothers of two of the schools most generous benefactors, Bill Gates and Steve Ballmar. Today, he was working with a small group of students on provable cryptography and he needed to get his head in the game.

xXx

Annie walked into the coffee shop on the corner and deeply inhaled. She'd been having so much trouble sleeping lately that she'd resumed an old habit of an afternoon caffeine injection. She ordered her coffee and then settled down into a corner of the café with her laptop to try and work on her upcoming lecture.

Her students surprised and challenged her. In years since her books had been published, she'd done guest speaking engagements and workshops, but never a full semester of classes. She loved getting to know the students and letting them dig deeper into the material. She didn't want to disappoint them by falling asleep in the middle of a lecture.

She'd just pulled up a section of text on her laptop that she'd wanted to delve into more deeply when she felt compelled to look up. She felt the breath leave her chest as she stared at him. Even knowing he was in the general vicinity of the city and school they now both occupied did not lesson the shock of seeing him every time.

For a second, she felt like ten years had not passed and she was simply waiting for her friend and partner in crime. He stood in the doorway, with his head slightly cocked; listening. He wore a light blue, button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and dark, denim jeans. The old familiar leather messenger bag was slung across his chest. She was about to call his name when he moved forward to the counter. Clearly familiar with the layout of the café, she watched as he ordered and then leaned forward to listen to something the barista said to him. He didn't sit; only stood at the counter and waited. In a moment, his coffee was ready.

Annie sat, frozen with her hands still hovering over the keyboard. She watched him turn and begin to walk back to the front door. Finally, as he was about to pass, she spoke.

"Auggie."

He stopped immediately and turned toward her with a slight frown on his face. Then in an instant, it was gone, only to be replaced with a mask of indifference.

"Would you like to join me?"

She watched the battle war within him and she wondered what he'd do. But then she had her answer when he moved toward her a few steps.

"There's an empty chair in front of you."

His face was hard as granite and Annie wondered if maybe she'd made a mistake. As much as he looked like the old Auggie, maybe he wasn't. Maybe this was too hard. Maybe it was impossible.

He quickly sat and folded up his cane, leaving it on top of the table between them; like a barrier.

"How's it going?" He asked as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Fine." She answered as she shut the laptop and pushed it aside. "I'm enjoying my students."

"Yeah. " He smiled genuinely now. "Me too. They keep surprising me."

"Really? How so?"

He waved a hand in the air dismissively, "you know, they keep reaching for new ideas; new concepts. It's inspiring."

"You look tired." She blurted, immediately regretted making such a personal observation.

Auggie was silent, and then sighed. "I am tired, Annie."

He seemed to be staring directly at her and she felt too exposed. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Now, it was Auggie that turned away, realizing she'd turned the conversation into a direction way too personal for a coffee shop.

Annie watched his fingers fiddle with the cardboard sleeve on the coffee cup. Finally, she stopped fighting her impulse and reached across the table to touch him. She kept her eyes on his face as her fingers lay gently over his. His eyes closed and she watched the strong column of his throat as he swallowed.

"Auggie?"

"Don't."

She immediately removed her hand. "I'm sorry."

"What do you want from me, Annie?"

The sound of his voice compelled her to look at him. His eyes, usually so expressive, seemed dull and lifeless. Whatever she'd been thinking….whatever reason she'd decided to seek him out after ten years, it had been a mistake.

"I think it was a mistake to come here."

"Why?"

His question was so simple, but the answer was so far from it. Why? There were a million 'whys' she needed to answer for him. She owed him. She owed him so much.

"I wish I could give you an explanation that would make it okay. I can't, Auggie. All I can say is that something broke in me that day. It took a long time to put it back together again."

"And now? Are you back together?" He turned his head as if to look out the window.

Annie followed his gaze and watched a small group of students laughing as they passed by the café windows. Life, for some, was so uncomplicated.

"Auggie?"

He turned away from the window toward her voice. His only response was a raised eyebrow.

"I'm here now."

Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, that was not it. The shock of her words made his hands shake and his heart race. What was she saying? That she's here now if he wants to pick up their relationship where it left off ten years ago? Is that even possible? No, he thought. Not after Julia. He swore he'd never let himself be hurt like that again. But this was Annie….

"I….Annie…." he stuttered. "I don't think I can go back."

He exhaled as he said those words. He hadn't realized that was what he was planning to say until the words came out of him mouth, but once he said them, he knew they were the right ones. Whatever had caused her to stay away for so long might not be her fault, but the end result was the same. He'd shut the door on their relationship. Never in a million years did he think having Annie back in his life would be a remote possibility, but here it was. No, he thought. No. You can't go back.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey." He spoke from the opposite side of her screen door.

Annie threw open the door and smiled brightly while pulling the large man into her foyer.

"Barber." She said warmly as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I can't believe it. I didn't think I'd ever see you again." He stepped back after releasing her.

Annie let his comment hang in the air without addressing it. It seemed much too deep an ocean to dive into for now.

"Auggie told me you were here and I just had to see for myself." He said sheepishly.

"Well, I'm glad you did." She gestured for him to follow her into the kitchen where she poured them two cups of coffee.

"Veronica's read all your books." Annie sat the mugs down on the table and raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"My…my wife." He said, still somewhat embarrassed.

"My, my. I never would've guessed the great Eric Barber would settle down." She teased.

"Yeah, and that's not all." Now he proudly pulled his iPhone out of his pocket and showed off several pictures of his family.

"Wow. You're quite the family man." Annie commented as she scrolled through the dozens of shots. "They're beautiful, Eric." She said as she handed him back the phone.

"Thanks." He covered the lag in conversation with a sip of coffee.

"So," Annie prodded.

"So?"

"Barber…."

"God, you haven't changed. You know that? I thought….ya know, with all the Buddhist stuff…you'd be different, but…"

Annie covered his hand with her own to stop his nervous babbling. "I'm exactly who I should be. That's what I needed to figure out."

"Wow."

Annie smiled. "How long are you in town?"

"Oh, um, I'm heading home now actually. Veronica would kill me if I stayed away for another night. The twins still wake up during the night sometimes. I don't think either of us has had a full night sleep in five years."

"Reminds me of my time at the agency." Annie looked out the window, flashing back to all the sleepless nights she spent in pursuit of Henry Wilcox.

"Speaking of the agency…."

"Nice segue."

"How did you manage to stay hidden for so long? You had to know we were looking."

"I wasn't hiding." She exhaled and turned back to face him. "I wasn't running, Eric. I was home. I think that's the difference. I left it all behind."

"I guess I just don't understand—"

"I don't expect you to. It's okay, though."

"He was wrecked, you know."

Now, Annie swung her head around to connect with his eyes. She'd been momentarily heated with anger that he'd try and lay guilt at her feet when she'd been totally incapacitated by what had happened…what she'd done, but then she saw it—the pain he carried for his friend.

"I know I hurt him. I didn't want to. I know that sounds crazy and selfish—"

"No, I get it."

Annie looked down to see now he'd taken her hand.

"Really, Annie. I do. What we do—the things we convince ourselves of….sometimes it's the truth, but more often it's a lie that we tell ourselves to justify the means. It's…a heavy weight."

"I loved him, Barber. I still do."

"I know."

"I don't want to hurt him, though."

"If I thought that would happen, I wouldn't be here."

"Why are you here?"

He smiled, "'cause you two should be together. I just wanted you to know that's what I thought."

Annie felt something warm bloom in her heart. "Thank you. That means a lot."

Eric got up and walked to the door. "Of course, I don't think he'll be so easy to convince."

"Oh?"

"He's…." he shook his head as he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch.

"What?"

"You said that what happened in Hong Kong changed you, right?"

Annie swallowed hard. "Yes."

"Well, he's been through a lot too."

"I know."

"There's more than you know."

"Are you talking about Julia?"

Barber stopped in his tracks and turned back to face her. "He told you about that?"

"No. I heard—"

"There's more there. A lot more."

"And you're not gonna tell me, are you?"

"That's his story to tell—or not." He said with a firm tone.

"Got it." she answered, somewhat stung.

"Sorry." He ducked his head; embarrassed. "I didn't mean to get so bossy."

Annie smiled up at the man who obviously cared a lot about his friend. "Thanks for stopping by Barber."

Eric looked at her and then shook his head laughing as he descended the brick steps. "Yeah, you're the same. No doubt about it."

Annie laughed as she watched him hop into his car and drive away. She pulled her cardigan sweater a little tighter around her shoulders as the crisp breeze swirled the fallen leaves on the sidewalk up into a dancing cloud. Summer was officially a distant memory as the bite of autumn took hold. It was already mid-October and practically half way through her guest lecturer appointment here at Harvard. She'd originally planned to stay a little longer only to be close to Natt, but she knew she was kidding herself. She was here for one reason and one reason only. Auggie.

xXx

"Thanks for meeting me." Auggie said to Natt as the young man sat down at the table in the same coffee shop he'd met Annie in two weeks earlier. Auggie had left their impromptu meeting that day more confused than ever. He'd been so angry at her for so long, yet there was an undeniable pull towards her. He wondered if two people could really be destined to be together, and if for some reason they couldn't be, would there always be this longing…this aching? He didn't know if he could live with the pain in his chest.

"I assume you want to know more about the journal?"

"Yes. But I'd rather hear it from you, if you don't mind. I don't need you to read it page by page, but maybe you could sum it up."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes. Why do you want to hear it?"

Auggie sat back and pondered the young man's question. It was a good one, he realized. What was his purpose in knowing exactly how tortured Annie had been in the days immediately after killing Henry? If he was planning on walking away from her, it really didn't matter, did it?

"I spent a lot of time being angry at her. I didn't understand. I still don't…not really."

Auggie heard the sound of the notebook opening and pages flipping. Natt cleared his throat. "This one is dated January 1, 2014. She talks about being here for two months and still not able to speak.

_Everyone is so kind, and I feel them looking at me and wondering what happened to me. I wish I could tell them that it wasn't me it happened to…..I happened….I happened to someone else. My actions set a chain of events in motion. Mine, and mine alone._ "

"She never says what her actions were, by the way." Natt said in his precisely accented English. "She didn't betray your secrets."

"My secrets?"

"I assumed that's why the government was so eager to locate her."

"No. I mean, yes, you're right about that, but it was more than that. A lot more."

Auggie heard the continued rustling of pages, then Natt's voice again. "This one is dated April 8, 2014. I've left the hotel and now live in the meditation center. I meditate. A lot. It keeps the voices away."

"Voices?" Auggie asked, alarmed.

"She relives it."

"Still?"

"Yes." Natt answered grimly. He would never betray his mother's secrets and she'd gone to great lengths to conceal her past from him, but her nightmares were another matter. When he was younger, he'd been frightened by them, but as he grew up and learned more about the subconscious mind, he learned she was replaying the tragic events that led her to Thailand in the first place. So many nights he wished he could help her rewrite the events so that there'd be a different outcome, but it was impossible. Like being cursed, she was condemned to relive the horror.

"I guess it helped…all the meditation stuff. I mean, she became one of 'um, right?"

"She did."

"Is she…what about…" Auggie couldn't seem to swallow around the lump in his throat.

"I can only imagine how her leaving affected you." He said, kindly, but Auggie bristled at the pitying tone in his voice.

"I just didn't realize how bad—"

Natt interrupted, "She's better now. You should focus on that."

"Why?"

Natt closed the notebook and quietly folded his hands on top of it. It made him uncomfortable to meddle in his mother's relationship with this man. Auggie was unlike anyone he'd ever met. Outwardly warm and charismatic, but he carried a darkness inside him that seemed impenetrable.

"I think that whatever love you two share, you also share pain. I worry this will only lead to more pain in the future."

"That's why you want me to stay away from her?"

"Yes."

"But—"

"I think there is more to a person than their past, however. There is more to your story than your shared pain."

Auggie felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Heck, he'd been experiencing that a lot since one Annie Walker graced the hallowed halls of Harvard. But maybe Natt was right. Maybe he was holding on to the pain. What if there was life beyond it? What if all he had to do was leave it behind?

"I, ah…I think I should stop." Auggie said. "It's too personal. It feels like too much of an invasion."

Natt smiled. Again, he was pleased with Auggie's decision. He was clearly a man of honor, and in his opinion, worthy of his mother. "Alright."

"I have a class." Auggie rose and opened his cane. "Thank you, though. I appreciate this."

"I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was the right thing to do."

Auggie smiled. "You sound like Annie."

"That's funny. I was thinking the same thing about you."

xXx

A blind man trying to catch a paper blowing in the wind had to be karma's little joke, Auggie thought as he chuckled to himself. In his efforts, to 'green' his world, he tried to keep all communication electronic. He barely even received mail anymore. He moved ahead a few steps, listening. He could hear the paper dancing along the sidewalk, and then nothing. He slowly approached the area he thought it had landed in.

"Hi."

Auggie's spine stiffened. "Annie."

"Is this yours?"

"If it's a flyer for the Boston F.O.P. pancake breakfast, then yes."

"It is."

He held out his hand and felt the folded paper land in it. "I promised a friend I'd put it up in the gym."

"Okay."

Annie watched him. His posture was so familiar to her. She hadn't realized how many little details her mind had recorded about him…the way his hands rested atop his cane, the way one knee bent slightly when he stood still, the way the muscle in his jaw ticked when he was frustrated….

"I'd better go."

She turned into the wind and let it wash over her. If he wanted to get away from her, then she needed to let him. "Okay."

He positioned his cane and quickly began walking down the path of concrete walkways that crisscrossed the campus. She stayed where she was and watched his back as he moved farther away from her.

Finally, with a heavy heart, she turned and walked to Andover Hall, the building that housed her temporary office. She had a large stack of essays to read before tomorrow.

It was nearly six o'clock before she finished. She stood and stretched her stiff back and then walked to her window to inhale the fresh air. Days were getting shorter, but she found she enjoyed the change of seasons. A knock at her door made her jump. She quickly crossed the small room and opened it.

"Auggie," she said, stunned. "What are you doing here?"

"I…I think we should…figure this out." He exhaled when he finished.

"I don't understand…"

"Us. This. If this is going to work with us. If we should even try."

Annie felt a little dizzy and realized she'd stopped breathing. She quickly released the breath she'd been holding. "Okay."

"Let's go away this weekend."

"What?"

"Just you and me. Let's do this—once and for all."

It sounded more like a military plan of battle than anything else, but Auggie seemed resolute and Annie didn't want to blow it. Whatever came of this, she'd handle it—even if it meant they should go their separate ways.

"Okay." She said softly and watched the corner of his mouth twitch slightly. She wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

"Great. Meet me tomorrow at the Harvard Square t-stop."

"Wait! Where are we going?" She laughed softly.

"Martha's Vineyard. I have a place there."

"Oh." She said with genuine surprise.

"Noon tomorrow." He called over his shoulder as he walked down the hallway and around the corner.

Annie hugged herself and tried to calm her mind. After this weekend, she'd have an answer one way or another. Either they'd part company forever, or she'd never leave that man's side again.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Huge thanks to all readers, but especially my reviewers. You all are beyond inspirational and I thank you, sincerely. Just a little note: there's a bit of R-rated language in this one. If that offends you, please skip this chapter. Enjoy…..**_

She walked down the passenger runway to disembark the ferry to Martha's Vineyard with Auggie following closely behind her. He had his hand at her elbow, but otherwise did not touch her during their trip from the T-stop at Harvard Square to Back Bay where they caught the bus to Woods Hole, and then the ferry that brought them to Edgartown.

"Auggie!"

Annie watched as a lovely brunette wearing a flannel shirt and jeans broke free from the small crowd of people waiting for friends or family to disembark. She slowed and touched his arm. Annie turned her head slightly and watched Auggie's reaction. She was a little relieved when she saw a smile that did not quite reach his eyes.

"Hey Sal." He said warmly. He let go of Annie's arm and then hugged this woman with one arm while the other held his overnight bag.

"I didn't know you were coming this weekend. I would've stocked the cottage for you."

"It's no problem. I brought company this time." Auggie turned them slightly. "This is Annie." He said simply.

Annie watched the woman's face change from curious to one of understanding in an instant. She wondered exactly how much this Sal knew about her.

Sal stepped forward and extended her hand. "It's good to meet you, Annie."

Annie extended her hand and was rewarded with a hearty handshake. "You too."

"I was just picking up a delivery off the boat, but I can give you two a lift, if you like."

"No, but thanks. We'll grab a cab." Auggie answered firmly. Annie registered slight disappointment on the woman's face.

"Okay then. Stop by and see mom at the café, if you can. She'll be sad to know you were here and didn't say hello."

"We'll do. Thanks, Sal."

"Sure. Nice to meet you Annie." Sal said softly and then turned to a delivery man that was waiting with a stack of crates on a dolly. Annie led Auggie to a cab stand but then turned around once again and noticed Sal was still watching them. Maybe Auggie couldn't see it, but Annie certainly could and she'd have bet money that Sal was in love with him.

"She and her mother own a luncheonette in Edgartown. Best lobster rolls I've ever had. They keep an eye on the place when I'm not here and Sal sometimes cleans and shops for me when I stay here." He said by way of explanation.

Annie answered with a simple "hmm." She tried to calm the butterflies that were flying around her stomach. She exhaled slowly and looked around. The island was so peaceful. She noticed the cobblestone streets and small businesses that lined each side. Most everything was painted in gray and white with signs done in gold lettering. It reminded her an era gone by.

"There are no franchises…" she muttered.

"What?"

"No chains…you know, like McDonald's or Domino's."

Auggie laughed as they waited their turn behind the other weekenders that needed a taxi. Very few people brought their car over on the ferry. Islanders knew to keep a car on the island and another on the mainland.

"Yeah. There's a law about that."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Wow. It's so charming here." She had a million questions about this place. What drew him here? How long had he had this place? Why did he find solace here? But, she kept them all to herself for now.

Auggie gave his address to the driver as they drove along a road that hugged the ocean. The beach here was wild and untamed. There were no parking lots, boardwalks or food stands. It was just a beach and an ocean. She absolutely loved it.

After fifteen minutes, the driver turned down a nondescript lane with no sign. A few minutes later, a small cottage appeared at the end of the lane with the ocean as its backyard.

"Oh, Auggie." She sighed. The cottage was exactly perfect for the landscape. A wide porch with white railings wrapped around the back and side of the house. The weathered gray shingles contrasted with the bright white shutters and trim. A white pebble path led from the driveway to the door.

She turned and saw Auggie paying the driver and unloading their two bags. She walked back toward him as the driver turned his cab around and drove away. He turned to her and smiled. She felt her knees turn to jelly. She hadn't seen _that_ smile in ten years.

"It's beautiful."

"Wait. It gets better." He laughed as he used his cane to find the front door. There, she watched as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. The inside was a total contrast to the outside. Here, minimalism dominated. Annie stepped forward onto the dark, hardwood floor. She looked to the right and saw a large living area with white couches and a soft, white rug covering the floor. A huge, stacked stone fireplace reached all the way up to the lofted ceiling and dominated the wall opposite the long couch. Another wall was made entirely of sliding glass doors that showed off the magnificent view. The third wall held a dizzying array of electronic equipment. Annie walked slowly to the kitchen. Here she found sleek, stainless steel appliances tucked next to white cabinetry.

"It's very 'you.'" She said, smiling. She turned to face him and saw the puzzled look on his face. She sighed. It seemed they each were setting off each other's landmines.

"Thanks." He marched forward toward a short hallway. "Bedrooms and bathroom are down here."

He passed the first doorway and pointed inward. "Here's your room. I'm across the hall. Bathroom is the next door on your right."

Annie thanked him and then entered her bedroom. Here again, she had a magnificent view of the ocean. She opened her window a little to let in the air. It was still warm, especially facing the sun and she enjoyed the feel of the heat. As with the rest of the house, her room was done in white tones. The large bed was covered with a sumptuous duvet cover and fluffy white pillows. She sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to even out her breathing. During the ferry ride over to the island, she found herself staring at him….disbelieving that he was actually sitting next to her. It all felt so surreal.

"Comfortable?"

She turned sharply toward the door and saw him leaning on the doorjamb, arms folded over his chest.

"Oh. Um, yes. It's gorgeous, Auggie."

He smiled and nodded.

"How long have you had this place?" She asked tentatively.

"About five years now."

He didn't offer more of an explanations and she didn't push.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"A little."

"I have some food here, but we'll need to stock up in town later."

"Okay."

Auggie nodded and walked away. She could hear him opening and closing cabinets in the kitchen. She moved to the bathroom to freshen up.

"Would you like wine?" He asked when he heard her enter the kitchen.

"Sure."

He made quick work of opening a bottle of red and pouring two glasses. He handed one to her and then took a long sip from the other one.

"I love the ocean." She spoke more to herself than Auggie. The magnificent view of the waves rolling in against the beach seemed to sooth her soul. "It's different—this ocean. Darker. Bigger. I don't know." She shook her head.

"Do you live near the ocean in Bangkok?"

"I don't actually live in Bangkok anymore. Natt and I moved to Laemchabang after I formally adopted him. I don't have a view like this, but I live very near the water.

"I wondered about that."

"What?"

"I'd come here sometimes and walk down to the water. I wondered if you were standing somewhere similar and if maybe we were touching the same body of water."

Annie felt like her breath was caught in her throat. She didn't have any words to respond.

"I understand, Annie. Believe me, if there's anyone in the world that understands a life-changing event it's me." He laughed, nervously. "But I gotta tell you, it hurt. It hurt like hell."

"I never thought I'd get this chance." She whispered.

"Why not? All you had to do was come back…or call. Anything, Annie. Anything and I would've been there for you."

"I did."

Now it was his turn to pull up short. "What?"

"I came to see you."

"When?" He asked; the astonishment clear in his voice.

"Two years after….after Hong Kong. I came to DC. I went to your apartment, but you weren't home."

"Why didn't you wait? Or call?"

"Because someone else answered the door that day."

Auggie closed his eyes and waited for the impact of what he was sure she was going to say.

"Your fiancé did."

"You met Julia?" His voice was so flat and devoid of emotion that it frightened her.

"I wouldn't say 'met.' I made up an excuse and got out of there. I did a little digging and some recon and found out you two were getting married two months later. I staked out the apartment for a while. You were happy, Auggie. And you deserved to be."

Annie watched him put down his wine carefully on the counter and walk to the wall of glass doors. He found the latch and slid it open and then stood facing the ocean for several minutes before turning around.

"She never said anything."

Annie could only deduce that he was referring to Julia. "No, no I guess she didn't."

"Did you tell her who you were?"

Annie could hear the pain in his voice. "No."

Auggie bent at the waist and put his hands on his knees; like a runner finishing a marathon. She rushed to his side immediately, but he pushed her away.

"I'm fine."

"Auggie—"

"What a mess, Annie. What a fucking mess." He straightened and turned to face her.

"I'm sorry—"

"We wasted so much time. Don't you get that?" He was yelling now.

"I didn't want to disrupt your life again, Auggie. I left so you could be happy!"

"She was a spy, Annie. She was a deep cover agent sent to spy on me."


	7. Chapter 7

It had taken him more than an hour to tell the entire story. When he'd gotten the last of it out, her only words to him were, "I think I need to take a walk."

She'd assured him she'd be back, but somewhere inside, it felt like abandonment all over again. Of course this time was different. She was with him on the island; not in some far flung location. He walked down to the water and let the sounds of the waves crashing down drown out his thoughts.

Two miles away, Annie walked the shore-line until it met up with the road. She turned and followed it into town. About ten minutes into her trek, a pick-up truck passed her and then pulled over. Annie saw Sal, lithe and graceful, jump out of the driver's seat.

"Need a lift?"

"Ah, it's okay. I'm enjoying the walk."

"Pardon me for noticing, but you don't look like you're enjoying much of anything at the moment."

Annie smiled at the woman's New England accent. "No, I guess you're right." She said as she made her way to the passenger side of the truck.

"Heading into town?"

"Oh, um, I don't know…" Annie fumbled, not sure what story to go with.

"You two have a fight already?" Sal chuckled.

Annie nodded, deciding to let Sal to believe this cover story.

"Wow, that's got to be a new record for Auggie. I always assumed it was his old girlfriend giving him grief, but if he managed to run you off already, maybe it's him that's got a problem." She laughed.

Annie felt a coldness move through her belly. "You met his last girlfriend?"

"Julia? Sure."

"What….what was she like?"

"Oh, she was a sweet girl. I could see why Auggie took her under his wing so quick. She was such a little broken bird."

"What was the matter?" Annie asked, full well knowing the truth from Auggie, but wanting to hear it anyway.

"She was a war widow. So sad. Married at twenty-two. Widowed at twenty-four. Shame about her family though."

"What happened to her family?"

"Well, there wasn't much family to speak of. Just her mother and brother. Brother died in Afghanistan two months after her husband did. Her mother couldn't handle it. She took her own life. Left Julia all alone."

"Tragic." Annie answered flatly. She could understand why the cover story worked on Auggie. Hell, it was working on her now; despite the fact she knew it was a lie. 'Julia' was no war widow. She was a deep cover agent working for a sect of the Tajikistan government in an attempt to infiltrate the CIA.

"I didn't really think she'd be his type." Sal said softly. "But he loved her."

"Why didn't you think she'd be his type?"

"I don't know….with Auggie, you can tell he's smart, and worldly. Even blind, he's still the smartest guy in the room, if you follow me."

Annie nodded.

"Julia was….I don't know….simpler. Not to say she wasn't smart, just not as worldly, I guess."

"Oh."

"And so shy. Almost painfully so. It took a year before she said more than 'hello' to me." Sal shook her head. "When she passed, well— "Sal cleared her throat, "I was worried about him."

Annie watched the scenery change as they moved closer to town. "How did she die?" Annie asked softly; wondering what version of the story he'd given Sal.

"Car accident. She died instantly, they said. Poor thing."

"Oh."

"Anyway, it was after all that that Auggie and I became friendly."

Annie could hear a melancholy note in the woman's voice. "He's lucky to have you."

Sal laughed heartily, "I like to remind him of that, but I think he's been waiting for you."

Annie again felt the air push out of her lungs, "Me? He talked about me?"

"Oh yeah."

Annie felt the blush creep up into her cheeks. "Oh."

"Don't worry! Nothin' bad." Sal reached over and patted her knee. "Here. If you want to stock up on a few supplies, I'll wait for you and drive you back."

Annie looked up and noticed they were parked in front of a market. She hadn't even realized they'd stopped moving. "Thanks. I'll be quick." She said as she opened the door and hopped out.

xXx

Auggie felt the vibration of a text message in his pocket. He quickly put his earpiece in and listened to the clipped, computerized voice read the message.

_At the market with Sal. Back soon. Sorry I left like that. _

Auggie smiled as he shoved his phone back in his pocket and walked back to the house. He thought he'd be the one dropping bombshells this weekend. He never expected to have his own legs swept out from under him.

He headed to the kitchen and grabbed a beer before returning to the porch facing the ocean. He twisted the cap off and drank deeply. He could hear Annie's voice replaying her words over and over in his head.

_Because someone else answered the door that day._

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the chair. She'd been standing on his doorstep and instead of him, she'd come face to face with Julia. He felt sick. For a second, he realized the danger Annie had put herself in. Julia was a spy and her agency had done extensive background on everyone in his life. She'd known exactly what to say and how to play him. He wondered what she'd known about Annie. He'd never mentioned her, and Julia certainly never brought her up. Maybe she and her organization assumed she'd died.

He found himself gripping his beer bottle hard enough to crack it. Carefully, he relaxed his hand and put the bottle down on the deck next to his chair. He'd been a fool; an easy mark. It was almost unbearable how easy it had been.

He'd heard the commotion of a new neighbor moving in. A quick check with the landlord confirmed that old Mr. Hunt that lived two doors down was moving to Florida to live closer to his grandchildren and a new tenant was moving in. She'd knocked on his door that first night and asked if he had any extra light bulbs. Auggie had immediately noticed her sweet voice and light, floral scent. When he told her he had little use for light bulbs, her fumbling to apologize was adorable. He said he was kidding and invited her in. They'd shared a cup of coffee and he'd learned about her husband.

Three days later, he'd vetted her himself and she'd passed with flying colors. He bitterly laughed at his own stupidity. He had created a dozen customized programs to guard against any type of attempted hack, yet his undoing was a simple digital camera that she's installed in his apartment. She and her handler had watched him as he entered his daily access code and he had been oblivious.

He wondered what Julia had thought that day as Annie stood at his door, and vice versa. What did Annie think? Did she think he'd moved on so easily? Well, she would've been wrong about that. She'd never know (and he sure as well wasn't going to tell her) how he didn't leave his apartment for a month and almost drank himself to death until Joan had thrown him into mandatory counselling. He'd never felt such despair. If he thought living without his sight was hard, it was nothing compared to living without his heart.

He'd resigned himself to a life devoted to work and little else when Julia had floated in like a spring breeze. Her quiet manner and sweet scent gradually pulled him from the depths of the darkness. He realized he started to look forward to going home every night because she'd be there. They'd knock on each other's door and share a glass of wine or split a pizza. Soon, it turned into more. At first, Auggie was plagued with guilt, but he soon discovered, so was she. She told him she felt like she was betraying her husband's memory. What a joke. Auggie had actually consoled her; telling her that he was a soldier too, and he could assure her that her husband would've wanted her to be happy.

She'd played him like a violin.

Auggie heard the crunch of tires on the gravel and rose from the chair on the back deck and walked around the side of the house to the front. He waited and heard a single car door open and shut and then the sound of Sal's pick-up retreating down the driveway.

"I picked up a few things."

"Thanks."

"Oh, and Sal's mom sent some lobster rolls."

"Did she?"

"I invited her to come in, but she said she had to get going."

"Okay."

"Auggie?"

He turned a little so that he was facing her more directly. He heard the sounds of the brown paper bags hitting the ground and then the crunch of gravel under her feet. Then he felt it. Her hand on his cheek. For a brief second, he closed his eyes and let the years roll back. He leaned slightly into her touch. Then, she removed her hand.

"Come on. Let's get this stuff put away." He responded gruffly as he fumbled for the grocery bags and marched inside.

Annie stayed put, standing in the driveway, letting the autumn sun warm her back. He was defensive as hell, but she'd felt it just now. He'd relished her touch; even if it was only for a second. They needed each other. She knew this more clearly now than in the previous ten years. She'd fought a hard battle to forget the past and carve out a better life, but maybe all she'd been doing was running…and maybe it was time to come home.

xXx

A dinner of lobster rolls and a tossed salad was eaten in relative silence on the back deck. The setting sun cast the sky in a glorious array of pink, purple, and magenta. Annie watched as the sun dipped lower and lower into the water.

"It's getting cold. Wanna go in? Auggie asked.

"Sure."

She gathered the dishes and followed him inside. She made quick work of loading the dishwasher and tidying up the kitchen while Auggie fiddled with the electronic equipment in the living room.

"Annie?"

"Yeah?" She came around the center island and toward him.

"I wanted to put on music, but I wasn't sure—"

"No, it's a good idea." She smiled as she watched his sure and steady fingers select an album and put in on the turntable. "You still have all your records."

"Nothing sounds as good as vinyl." He smirked as he carefully maneuvered the needle over the record. Soon, the sounds of 'Celia' by Charles Mingus filled the air. Annie felt her head swim as tears sprang to her eyes. She hadn't heard that song in ten years and the memory of it playing in Auggie's apartment as she lay on the bed overwhelmed her. She reached out a hand to steady herself.

"Hey," he asked, concerned, "Annie?" He touched her shoulder.

"It's the song."

He smiled, relishing the wistfulness in her voice. "I always loved this one."

"It was playing…that night after we came home from—"

"Columbia. Yeah. I remember."

She watched darkness move into his eyes and again reached up and touched his cheek. This time he covered her hand with his own.

"I can't regret working there, because then I never would've met you." She whispered.

"Even though—"

She interrupted, "—Even though."

She pulled her hand away from his face, but surprisingly, he didn't let go. He moved their joined hands up to his chest and pressed them over his heart. She looked up from their hands and into his dark eyes.

"Auggie—"

"I don't think I ever really let go of you."


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: I am always and truly grateful for your kind reviews. They inspire me. Just a quick note: This chapter has *ahem* mature content**_.

_She pulled her hand away from his face, but surprisingly, he didn't let go. He moved their joined hands up to his chest and pressed them over his heart. She looked up from their hands and into his dark eyes. _

"_Auggie—"_

"_I don't think I ever really let go of you." He said._

It felt like a thousand years passed in those brief seconds. Annie could hear the sound of rain gently falling on the roof and in the distance, the waves crashing onto the beach. Everything seemed to slow down. Time was frozen. It felt like a force field was keeping them locked in place. Each with their hands on each other. Annie could hear herself breathing and was momentarily embarrassed as she recognized the sound of desire in her hitched breathing as her body betrayed her.

His head was lowered, as if his eyes were on their hands; still joined over his heart. She itched to reach out and tilt his head upward so that she could see his eyes. Finally, as if beckoned by her silent call, he did.

They didn't speak. They didn't utter a single sound, but simultaneously, they came crashing together. She felt his lips on hers and relished their sweet taste. Somehow, he'd released her hand so that he could pull her closer with a hand to her back. She could feel it sliding upward until he was in her hairline at the base of her neck. His fingers tangled in her hair as his other hand wrapped tightly around her waist. She was dizzy with lust and overcome with emotion. Her own hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they traveled up his arms and then down his chest. Finally, she ran them both upward to his face and put her hands on each side drawing his attention.

She wanted to say something, but there were simply no words. Instead, she reached up again and kissed his lips; this time slowly and with control. She lowered herself off her tiptoes and watched his eyes smolder. He swallowed and she smiled as his Adam's apple bobbed. He wanted her and she wanted to give herself to him; body and soul. He stepped back from her, but ran his hand down her arm until he found her hand. Then, he smiled. She could feel the heat radiating off both their bodies.

Still, without speaking, he turned and walked down the hallway, pulling her behind him. As he entered his room, he flicked on a switch by the bed and soon the room was filled with the same music that had been playing in the living room. He released his grip on her now and lit only by moonlight, Annie watched his silhouette as he made quick work of pulling the comforter down on the bed. Annie hadn't been in his room yet, and was unable to see much, but she could see him sit down on the side of the bed and then extend his hand to her. She walked directly to him and stood between his legs.

Auggie gripped her hips and inhaled deeply. She put her hands on his shoulders and bent down to kiss the side of his neck. She felt him shudder under her touch. Emboldened by his response, she tugged at his shirt. He smiled and quickly pulled it over his head. When he reached for Annie, his face showed shock as he realized she too had removed her shirt.

Annie leaned forward and let her weight carry them both backward so that they were lying flat on the bed. Auggie held her tightly around the waist and with one push of his leg maneuvered them backward so that their whole bodies were now on the bed.

For a moment, they stayed still; each relishing the feel of full body contact. Auggie's hands ran up and down her back, marveling at the softness of her skin. Annie's head lay on his chest, listening to his ever steady heartbeat. Then, as if reignited, they both moved simultaneously. Annie used her knee to gently push his legs apart and then settled in between, all the while kissing the side of his neck and up to his ear. His moan told her she'd correctly remembered that sensitive spot. Auggie too, was remembering that she'd quiver with anticipation if he kissed the inside of her elbow at just the right location.

Sometimes frantic, sometimes slow, they seemed to move in unison, without speaking. Annie felt like she didn't know which way was up; like being tumbled in a crashing wave. Auggie too was lost with the overwhelming sensations of her. He'd had sex plenty of times since he'd been blind and had appreciated that his other four senses had done a good job of filling in for the visual, but this….this was something different. Everything was hypersensitive. His fingers were revealing her in exquisite detail. His ears were hearing every nuance of each sigh and moan. His mind was painting a bright, electric picture for him. And he never wanted it to stop.

Somehow, they both knew it was the moment to lose the remainder of their clothing and when they came back together, Auggie had suspended her underneath him with one strong arm around her waist. She felt like a doll for a moment, surrendering to his power. She looked into his eyes and saw a ferociousness there that she'd never seen before. She reached up and pulled him down to her tightly; wrapping both her arms around his neck. She could feel his hips against hers and the twitching of muscles that were straining to be uncoiled.

Annie closed her eyes and let her other four senses take over. She released her brain from conscious thought and let her body guide the way. Again, they moved as one, with Auggie establishing a rhythm and she reaching up to meet him, pulse for pulse. Their hearts hammered together as the need in their bodies would wait no longer.

Hours later, Annie lay awake, staring at the dark sky light, listening to the gentle rain tapping against the glass. After they'd made love, they'd both washed up and changed for bed. She'd wondered where she should sleep, but Auggie had been waiting for her in the doorway. His only words to her were, "Sleep here."

She'd followed him and gotten under the covers. He's kissed her once and then gone to sleep. Now, hours later, sleep still didn't find her. She quietly extracted herself from the bed and padded quietly to the kitchen. She'd make tea, she thought. Tea always seemed to settle her. She set the kettle on the burner and watched over it so that she could remove it before it whistled too loudly.

Finally, when she'd brewed a cup of chamomile, she walked around his home. With Auggie currently unconscious, she was free to wonder among his things and rediscover the man that she once knew better than she'd known herself. There were no books, and the artwork was beautiful, but fairly generic. A few pieces of whimsical pottery reminded her of his old apartment in DC. She suddenly remembered the hand-shaped book ends she'd given him and wondered whether or not he still had them.

"Can't sleep?" His deep voice rumbled from the edge of the living room and startled her.

"Yeah." She answered softly as she moved toward him. After what they'd shared, she was surprised to feel nervous around him now and wondered if she should reach out and touch him. She stopped just a few feet away from him and waited.

"Tea?"

"Oh, yeah. It's—"

"Chamomile. Yeah, I could tell."

"Would you like some?"

He laughed. "No, that's okay." He answered as he moved toward the couch. Annie watched him, still half-asleep move with practiced ease around the room. She sat down next to him, but with space in between.

"So, tell me about this place." She began.

He raised an eyebrow, wondering what direction this conversation would take. "I came here for a little R&R and kinda fell in love."

"Sal told me….that she knew Julia too."

Auggie's face darkened. He felt momentarily betrayed by his old friend, but then he remembered that Sal already knew everything there was to know….well everything that was public record, at least.

"Yeah. She came here a few times. It wasn't more than a shack back then. It needed a lot of work." He laughed and she could see the memory playing across his face. They weren't all bad, she realized. "She didn't like it here, though. Too quiet."

"Oh."

Auggie turned his head to face her. "It's still hard to wrap my head around. It's like there were two different people…the Julia that I met and fell in love with, and the spy that betrayed me."

Annie swallowed hard at the 'in love with' part. She knew he loved her. She _knew_ it, but it still hurt.

"I think you and I have been in the business long enough to know that the lines blur."

Auggie was about to respond, but then he remembered who he was talking to. He'd witnessed her fall in love with Simon and get her heart ripped out by that asshole, Ben. She'd been there for the aftermath of the Parker affair. Yeah, lines blur, he thought ruefully. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore. She's dead. Her handler's in prison and it's over."

"How did she die?"

"Car accident." He answered automatically. Annie waited and watched him, but he didn't falter. Well, he was a spy once. She should've known better.

"Is that the truth?"

Now, he exhaled slowly and leaned his head back on the couch. "No."

"What did—"

"I can't tell you. I've already told you more than I should have."

"No, you're right. I get it."

"Besides, you left all that spy stuff behind, right?" He smiled, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Right."

"Do you miss it?"

Annie looked out the dark glass doors and slowly sipped her tea. She felt the automatic answer on the tip of her tongue, but he'd been truthful…well at least partially. Maybe she should do the same.

"Yes."

His only response was a slight nod.

"I miss the puzzles. The riddles. You know, figuring it out. Getting the intel."

"You'd make a good hacker."

She laughed. "Yeah, I don't think my computer skills are quite up to par."

"You adopted him after you came to DC and saw Julia, didn't you?"

She felt her stomach drop. "I guess you already know the answer to that." She retorted. Part of her was irritated that he assumed her adopting Natt was a reaction to his pending nuptials. After all, she'd known Natt ever since she started working at the orphanage.

"He's quite something."

Again, Annie was surprised by the turn in conversation. "Have you met him?"

"Yeah. He came to see me, actually."

"What?"

"You obviously told him about me…about us…and he was concerned how coming to Harvard would affect you."

Annie blew out a long, slow breath. She and Natt were going to have one heck of a conversation when she got back.

Auggie laughed. "Don't be mad at the kid. He's looking out for his mother."

Now Annie smiled. "He's very protective."

"He's a good son."

"No, it's more than that. He and I…we were both alone. Lost. We found each other. We saved each other."

Auggie swallowed and reached for her hand. "I would've been there for you."

Annie looked upward, fighting tears. How could she get him to understand? "You were part of it, Auggie. I couldn't separate our relationship from what happened when I….killed him."

Auggie released her hand and sat forward, balanced his elbows on his knees letting his hands hang free. "What about now, Annie? What do you want now?"


	9. Chapter 9

xXx

"Annie?" He called to her. He waited, but there was no answer. He knew she was in the room. He could smell her shampoo. She'd been out jogging all morning on some sort of marathon quest and then come home, showered, and then gone into the spare bedroom that he'd converted to a gym. Now, the scent of lilacs drew him forward. As he walked forward, he could hear the faint sound of music coming from the corner, near the floor. Headphones. Probably his headphones, and if he could still hear music coming from them, then she had to have the music blasting at a deafening decibel.

He walked until he was reasonably sure he was in front of her. It took a moment, but then he heard her gasp in surprise when she realized he was standing there.

"Auggie." She said loudly.

When she pulled the headphones down around her neck, his guess was confirmed when music blasted out of them. She quickly turned it off.

"What are you doing?"

"Meditating." She answered, as she got to her feet.

"Is it working?"

"No."

"What's wrong?" He reached out his hand and touched her shoulder.

Now, she shrugged off his hand and paced the room. She reminded him of a caged animal. "I don't know."

"Yeah, you do." He responded firmly. He waited, but her pacing continued. He wondered if she'd ever look at him.

"I need to walk. Can we go for a walk?"

"I'm surprised you can stand after your run this morning, but suit yourself."

He turned and walked out of the room, grabbing his cane and waiting on the deck by the back door. A minute later, she joined him.

She bumped his hand, and he quickly gripped her elbow. They began to walk toward the water and when Auggie felt the firmness of the damp sand, he turned them so they could walk parallel to the water.

It was a good mile before either of them spoke. He was formulating his thoughts, and if he were being truthful, shoring himself up for what he was certain was going to be a gut-wrenching conversation. He'd just opened his mouth to speak when Annie's low voice carried to his ear.

"Did you ever make peace with it?"

"Well, that depends on what "it" is?"

"Killing."

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, just like that." He retorted. As much as he understood what killing Henry had done to her, deep down, he was incredibly frustrated by it. Her actions that day saved thousands of lives. He believed in things like the greater good. Sometimes innocent people had to pay a hefty price.

"Have you ever shot anyone in cold blood?"

Now, Auggie pulled them to a stop. "It wasn't in cold blood, Annie. Why can't you get that through your head?"

"I hunted him. Like an animal. I had his scent. I tracked him. I stalked him. And I killed him."

"Auggie ran his hand though his hair in frustration. "Fine. You want to be martyr, go ahead."

"Martyr? I don't' think that's an accurate—"

He interrupted, "You gotta live with it, Annie. Stop running away from it."

"You think I'm running?" She laughed humorlessly.

"I think that's exactly what you did."

Annie walked away from him a few steps. "You don't know me. Not anymore."

"Then who are you? Are you trying to say you're some kind of killer?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"No—"

"Yes!" She yelled. "Yes. That's exactly who I am. It's in me. It's always in me."

"You're not—"he stopped, completely overwhelmed.

"Why not, Auggie? Why do you need me to _not_ be a killer?"

"Annie—"

He heard her picking up rocks and throwing them into the ocean. He stood there, a few feet away from her, facing the ocean. Maybe she was right….maybe he didn't know her anymore.

"What about last night? What was that about then? Who was that in bed with me?"

She turned and looked at him. He was so tightly wound. She often wondered who was really at the core of Auggie Anderson. He had the toughest and strongest defenses of anyone she'd ever met. Now, he stood facing the ocean, hands shoved deep within his front pockets.

"That was me." She walked to him. "I'm the woman that loves you…that never stopped loving you."

He didn't respond, only turned his head away from her, thinking. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to accept me."

"I do."

"No, you don't. You only want the parts that fit with the Annie you remember." She responded tiredly.

"You're wrong."

"No—"

"No, it's my turn, okay?"

She didn't respond, but sat down on the sand. He felt her hand gently tug at his denim clad leg and he sat down next to her.

"I don't like to think about those parts of our lives, but it doesn't mean I don't acknowledge they're there."

She waited and watched. He sat with his legs pulled up and his arms balanced on his knees, with one hand gripping the wrist of the other. His cane was lying next to his hip in the sand. She picked it up and held it in her hand. She'd never known Auggie without this cane. It was impossible to picture him sighted. 'Blind' and 'Auggie' had become synonymous in her mind for so long, it was practically impossible to separate them. But, there had been a significant portion of his life where he was sighted. She flipped the cane over and fingered the thin black strap that kept it tightly folded.

"When you lost your sight—"she began and watched the slight surprise emerge on his face. "Did you feel like some people wanted you to be the same? Like, if you were the same, then you'd be fine….if you were different, then everything would have to be different?"

Auggie felt momentarily bewildered by her strange turn in conversation, but then clarity began to dawn like a thin ray of sunshine through storm clouds. As usual, Annie had chosen an analogy that most people wouldn't have touched with a ten foot pole.

She continued, "I look the same. I sound the same…"

"-But you're not the same." He finished, reaching for her hand.

"But I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed."

Auggie swallowed hard. Somehow, this woman could reach into his chest and pull out emotions he thought he'd buried long ago. "You never treated me like I was broken."

"You're not."

He could hear the smile in her voice and he smiled back at her reflexively. "I think most people would disagree with you."

She said nothing; only continued to stare at the dark ocean.

"But I treated you like you were broken, didn't I?"

"No. It wasn't you, Auggie. I don't want you to think I blame you for any of this." She stood now and walked down to the water to touch the foam as each gentle wave broke along the sand.

He stood too, wondering how to reach her. "I just wish you would've given me a chance," he said more to himself than her.

She walked back to him now and stood in front of him. "If we do this, I want to start with a clean slate." She laughed. "I wish—I wish we could start over. I wish I could meet you for the first time again."

She expected him to smile, but his expression remained shuttered. "Despite what you think, I don't want to erase the last ten years."

"That's not what I meant."

"—Then?"

"I only meant that I wish we could meet now. As we are."

"Come as you are, huh?"

She laughed, "Don't make fun of my music."

"Hey, I like Nirvana too….it's just that you were listening to it at a deafening level."

"I like it loud." She said without humor in her voice. "It—"

"It drowns out the world. Yeah, I know." He swallowed, remembering the dark days after Hong Kong and how he'd try to lose himself in anything and everything.

"Let's go back." He held out his hand for her and soon they were walking hand in hand back to the house.

She was silent on the walk and he decided to match her quietness with his own. Her declarations today gave him a lot to think about. She was still Annie, but a different version than the woman he'd known and loved. She was giving him fair notice that there was no going back. From the time she'd began at the agency, their entire relationship revolved around her putting herself in dangerous situations and him bailing her out. They'd only just begun a serious relationship when everything had been ripped to shreds by Henry Wilcox. If he was being honest with himself, he'd only shown her a fraction of who he truly was. He liked being her protector and savior. It made him feel strong, and worthy of a woman like her. She came to him for answers and help and advice. She treated him with a reverence that he'd never experienced before and certainly never expected to find once he'd been blinded.

Now, all that was behind them. She was no longer the 'super spy,' and he was no longer the 'handler extraordinaire.' He'd have to let her in.

"Auggie?"

He shook his head slightly, realizing that they'd arrived back at the house. "Sorry." He smiled.

"Should we go in?"

"Yeah. I'm starving. You wanna grab lunch in town?" He asked as he grabbed his cell phone to call a taxi.

"Sure."

"Good. I want to have lunch and then we're going to talk."

"Auggie—"

"There are some things I need to say to you, Annie. Important things."


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: If you're still hanging in there with me, thank you! We're almost at the end. This chapter was much longer, so I've divided it up into two. I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. As always, I am so, so grateful for your kind reviews and words of encouragement. Enjoy….**_

xXx

They'd eaten lunch at a tiny restaurant attached to the back of a fish market. Annie was a little unsure this place was even open to the public, but as usual, Auggie knew the owner. He was greeted heartily with slaps to the back and a rough handshake. Auggie casually introduced Annie and she was greeted warmly….well as warmly as New Englanders greeted anyone new, which is to say he nodded in her direction.

They were taken to a table in the back corner; one of only six.

"So, you and the owner long lost buddies or something?"

"He was in Iraq." He answered simply while touching the silverware.

Annie nodded, but made no further comment. Despite the horrific outcome of Auggie's time in the Army, she was sometimes envious that he was able to share it with people. There was no such recognition among spies. When you signed up at the CIA, you made a vow that you'd operate alone; in secrecy, without recognition or glory.

Without any type of preamble, the owner said, "Fried clams?"

"Oh, um…fried clams?" Auggie answered with a gesture to Annie.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Thanks." She responded. The owner hustled away from them wordlessly.

"I guess this place isn't big on menus." She offered.

Auggie laughed. "No, they kinda tell you what you're having. I have to admit though, they're always right."

A moment later, the owner dropped off a chilled bucket of ice with several cold beers inside.

Auggie reached inside and grabbed two, twisting off the caps and handing one to Annie.

"I guess they know you need beer with fried clams." She laughed.

"I suppose so." He smiled. "Sometimes having someone make a decision for you takes the pressure off."

Annie felt her stomach drop a little. He definitely wasn't speaking about the food anymore. "Oh yeah?"

"You know, after….when I finally had to face facts that you were purposely not coming home, I kinda lost it."

She closed her eyes and tried not to let guilt swallow her whole. She breathed in and out and reminded herself that she couldn't have helped Auggie.

"For a month, I tried every conceivable way to reach you, and then finally I had to accept what everybody else already knew." He laughed a little. "Some people said you were probably dead. That's the only reason you wouldn't come back—wouldn't call." He reached for his beer and drank deeply. "I knew better, though."

"I don't know how I knew." He answered her silent question. "Just did." Auggie put the beer bottle back on the table. "Anyway, that's when things got bad."

Annie squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment trying to keep herself from crying.

"I don't want to tell you how bad."

The owner silently put down two baskets of fried clams with potato wedges. She watched as Auggie carefully located a wedge of lemon and squeezed the juice over his clams. Annie looked down at her own plate. Despite the amazing aroma, she didn't think she could eat a single bite.

As if reading her mind, Auggie said, "If you don't eat, he'll want to know why." He gestured toward the kitchen with his fork. "It's good. Give it a try."

She picked up her fork and took a few bites. It went down more easily than she expected and she found her appetite returning with a vengeance.

"I figured you had to be starving after that workout this morning. How many miles did you run?"

"I don't know." She laughed quietly. "I wasn't keeping track."

"People don't run like that, for exercise, Annie." He said after he swallowed.

She was about to respond, but then realized there was no need. There was no keeping him out of her head. She laid her fork down and exhaled slowly. "I was running because I was angry."

He looked genuinely surprised. "At what?"

"At you. At this." She let her head drop. "At me." She felt his hand searching her hers. She quickly grabbed it and held it tightly. "At the end of the day, I have no one to blame but myself. I did this. I did all of this."

"Are you done? Let's get out of here." Auggie didn't wait for a response, only stood up and threw a few bills on the table. Annie led them to the door where Auggie said a quick goodbye to the owner.

Once outside, he unfurled his cane and released her arm. "Come on, let's walk."

He was quiet a long time. They walked to an area called "the campground" where to Annie, it looked like a miniature village of Victorian houses gathered in tight circles around an open air theater.

"What is this place?" She asked, feeling a little like Alice when she fell through the looking glass.

"These are the famous gingerbread houses of Oak Bluffs, "he responded.

"Wow. It's so….adorable."

Auggie laughed. "Technically, it's the first planned subdivision in the United States. It started as a campground in the 1800's for a mult-day religious event for Methodists. Then the land was purchased and sold in lots. It's now a historical landmark."

Annie turned them slightly so they could walk down one of the tight streets and marvel at the gorgeous detail and bright colors of each house.

"You know, when you buy a house in here, you're only buying the house, not the land. The land is a lease."

"That must make things complicated." Annie mused.

"Well, I think if you buy in here, you kinda know what you're doing."

"I suppose." She pulled his arm forward so that she could wrap hers around it and lean her head on his shoulder. "This okay?"

"Sure." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"I don't want you to be angry." He said after they'd turned and walked down another street.

"I'm trying not to be….it's just hard. Seeing you….really seeing what it did to you. It was easier for me to accept things when we were thousands of miles apart."

"I don't blame you."

She was quiet as she studied his profile. She wondered if that was actually the truth, or just what he thought he should say. "You can blame me, Auggie. You can blame me for everything."

Now, he pulled them to a stop. "If there's blame to be had, it should be mine."

She watched the way his eyes tried to find hers. His intensity was frightening her. "What? Why?"

"Because I set this whole thing in motion." He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. "I only gave you the mission in pieces. If I'd just been honest with you in the beginning, everything would've been different."

Now, she truly did feel the world tilt as her head swam with information. Her brain frantically recalled the details of the fateful mission that led her to kill Henry Wilcox. The file….Teo…River Run….Helen.

"No," she stammered.

"Yes." He answered emphatically. "And I did it because I wanted to feel needed and necessary."

"Auggie—what are you—"

"It was my Achilles' heel and I fell into the trap."

"What trap? I don't understand—"

"If I'd just told you everything that day...remember that day? When you came over and said we needed to be honest with each other?"

"Yes." Annie recalled the moment with perfect clarity. She'd tried to reach him, but knew he was still hiding things from her. She left his apartment feeling saddened, knowing she'd failed to breech his walls.

"I used the excuse of keeping secrets to keep missions and operatives safe. But that wasn't it." He said feeling for the first time, that he could identify exactly why he'd acted the way he did.

"Then why? Auggie, I didn't want you to compromise anyone's safety. I just wanted us to—"

"Be honest with each other?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't want to let you in. I held back. Holding onto information that you vitally needed made me feel—in control-vital."

"It wasn't just you, Auggie. Arthur had a hand in it too."

"I knew Helen was alive."

Annie moved away from him instantly, as if his touch was burning her. She couldn't speak…couldn't think. He'd lied to her. He'd lied. He'd faked his reaction. It was all an act. "Why?" she asked; voice trembling.

"I was protecting her."

"You didn't trust me?" She asked, astonished.

"It wasn't about you. It was about—"

"It was a GAME! It was all a game to you people! That was my life, Auggie!" She was yelling now.

"Annie—"

"No. I don't want this. I don't want any part of this." She bumped his hand with her own, but he didn't move.

"I want to go home. Now." Her voice was hard as granite.

Auggie clenched his own jaw to fight back any response his was contemplating. She needed time, he thought. He'd just dropped a bombshell on her and right now, that's all she was thinking about. Maybe later when she calmed down, she'd remember the rest. He grabbed her elbow and they walked back into town without speaking.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: First and foremost, my sincere apologies for the delay in posting. My weekend was….stressful. Secondly, I want to say a special thanks to cherithcutestory2 for her amazing insights and help. Thank you to all that read and review. Thank you for going on this journey with me and for giving me a little leeway to play around with timelines, canon, etc. Enjoy!**_

The evening air was getting cold, but Annie couldn't seem to move off of the deck, and besides the sun was setting. There was something almost spiritual about watching a setting sun dip into the ocean. It made her think of home—back in Thailand. It hadn't been so long since she'd been home, but suddenly she yearned for the warm, humid air. She knew Auggie was inside, pacing. He'd dropped a bombshell on her, no doubt. She wondered if he'd even planned on telling her that today, or ever. The man had his secrets.

She stood up and paced the length of the deck, knowing she needed to find the courage to let the memories of her conversations with Henry back into her brain.

"_Who's the woman in the photos?" _

"_Her name is Theresa Hamilton…a cutout for Teo and Arthur."_

Annie felt so stupid. She had parroted back the intel that Arthur had spoon-fed her. When she'd dutifully reported her conversation with Henry back to Auggie, she'd remembered the hitch in his voice.

"_Arthur came to see me last night. He confessed to everything."_

"_Everything? What does that mean?"_

She thought she was the one holding the cards. She knew that Teo was Arthur's son. But another conversation was being had silently around her; and she hadn't even realized it. She felt like she was standing still while the world swirled around her. Finally, she stepped through the door to confront the past.

Auggie's head came up and turned toward the sound of the door opening. She found him leaning against the counter in the kitchen, drinking coffee. He braced himself for whatever she was going to say. After ten years, and countless hours on a shrink's couch, he still had underestimated who he was dealing with. When he'd said he needed to talk to her and tell her some important things, he'd been planning on bullshitting her. After all, no one could beat a polygraph like him. He figured if he said the right thing, he could make it all better.

But yet again, he'd underestimated Annie Walker. Why couldn't he accept that this woman was his match in every way? She saw into his soul in a way that no one else ever could. When he blurted out that he had known Helen was alive, it all clicked into place and every last one of his defenses fell away. Now, he waited for the fallout.

"You didn't know until we saw Teo in Medellin." She said with authority in her voice.

Auggie was impressed. "What? That Helen was alive?"

"Yeah."

"When you told me about the file…and said there was a photo of a woman meeting with Arthur and then also with an ALC terrorist—"he closed his eyes, "I figured it out."

"Did Arthur tell you?"

"No. I tried to get him to confirm my suspicions…I hoped he'd read me in, but he didn't crack—not once."

"Then how did you—"

"It was something Teo said when he was getting ready to dig that bullet out of my shoulder." Auggie subconsciously rolled his shoulder. "That thing about Americans being soft. Needing pain killers for everything…"

"Why? What did that mean?"

"It was something he used to say at River Run all the time. Helen would always laugh at him and say, no one needs to be a martyr.

He rubbed his face tiredly. "I didn't know if he was trying to tell me something or not, but then he came to DC."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"He was a loose cannon, Annie. I needed to know what his play was."

"So he confirmed then that Helen was alive?"

"Yeah." He paced the length of the kitchen, keeping one hand in contact with the countertop. "He was concerned that you were asking too many questions."

Auggie returned to where she now stood and faced her, head slightly bowed. "I should've told you everything as soon as you told me about the file."

"Why didn't you?"

"Honestly Annie, I don't know."

She saw his grim determination to take all the blame and couldn't allow that. "The truth is…we didn't really know each other that well. You had other people's lives in your hands. Maybe you were right to hold back."

"No. I should've trusted you. And as I said earlier, I held back for the wrong reasons—it wasn't about being protective of someone else's secret—it was about having control…." he laughed mirthlessly. "I lost a lot, as you know. It took time and, I'll admit therapy, to come to grips with accepting that. Back then, when you were my operative, I was playing a dangerous game because I was still trying to prove my worth."

Annie reached out and touched the soft fine fabric of his gray sweater, feeling the heat and hardness of the muscles in his chest. He held himself stiffly away from her for a moment, but then relented and wrapped his arms around her back, leaning his chin on the top of her head.

They stayed like that for a long moment before Annie finally pulled back to look up into his face. "I think we've punished ourselves enough. What do you think?"

For Auggie, it was like a hundred bricks lifted off his shoulders all at once. The lightness within him threatened to burst out of his chest. As many times as he'd imagined having Annie Walker come back into his life, he'd never imagined it like this.

"Okay." He said gruffly as he leaned down and kissed her chastely.

She relished the touch of his lips to hers. They'd been on an extreme roller coaster in the last twenty four hours, and now…now it was time for serenity.

She leaned forward and kissed him back in much the same way he'd kissed her.

"I don't want to be without you, Annie." He said simply.

She looked at him and saw that he meant it.

"Okay." She answered and watched his eyes widen just a fraction. She loved that about him. His 'tells' were so few, but still, she knew them so well. And now, she realized he had not been expecting things to work out between them. "Can we sit and light a fire."

He grabbed her hand and moved to the living room where he sat on the couch and grabbed a remote control. In a second, a fire roared to life in the huge stone fireplace.

"Nice." She laughed as she curled up into his side and laid her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that, without speaking for a long while. For Annie, it was a true homecoming. Being in his arms, no matter where, was all the home she'd ever needed. She'd run, she realized. She had run away from the only person that could truly heal her.

"I'm sorry." She spoke aloud.

"For what?"

"Hurting you."

"Annie—"

"No. I know what you're going to say, but I just have to tell you—"she put her hand on his cheek to turn his head to face her. "I'm sorry, Auggie."

Now, he cast his eyes downward. "I'm not glad that so many years went by, but in a way, I'm happy that I'm not the same person that I was." He laughed. "I needed to learn a lesson, and you'd have thought I would've gotten it after the whole Henry Wilcox mess, but I didn't."

"What lesson?"

Auggie sat up on the couch. "That I knew more or better than the agency."

"Well, you usually do—"

He shook his head. "Sometimes, but not in the right way. You know, ever since I came back after Iraq, it was like a personal mission to prove that even if I wasn't valuable in the field, I could be indispensable elsewhere."

Annie stayed silent, remembering their horrible fight in Barcelona all those years ago.

"_I want to move forward with my life across the board….I don't want to get stuck behind my desk…"_

"That's why I was such an easy mark for Julia."

"How?"

"I didn't report it. I didn't read Joan in on it. I really thought I'd vetted her thoroughly. She was clean; I was sure of it."

"Oh."

"It was-"he shook his head. "When it all came out, it was bad."

"I'm sure you're not the first operative not to disclose a relationship…" she offered.

"Well, maybe not, but it ended up being the exact reason you report to the agency. She was good." His eyes hardened. "I'll give her that. She was good."

Annie could feel the questions bubbling up inside her, but for the time being, she swallowed them back down. There'd be time for the details later. Right now, their wounds were still so fresh.

"So, back to Cambridge tomorrow?" She offered as a change of subject.

"Yeah. I've got bright eyed, bushy tailed students waiting for me Monday morning. Well, I assume they're bright eyed."

Annie remained quiet; thinking about the few remaining months left in her temporary gig at Harvard. Afterwards, her publisher wanted her to do a few guest appearances around the U.S., but she wasn't sure about it yet.

"What about you? What are your plans?" He asked, slicing through her thoughts.

She laughed a little nervously. "I don't know….I wanted to spend the holidays with Natt and then I was planning to go home for a while."

"Okay. We can do that."

"What?"

"I'll come with you."

"Auggie—how…"

"I'll take a sabbatical."

"Can you do that?"

He laughed. "Yeah." He held her hand and looked directly at her, missing eye contact by only a millimeter, "do you want that?"

"Yes." She reached up and pulled him to her; wrapping her arms tightly around her neck. "Yes, I want that."

"For now though, I'm exhausted. I don't think I've talked this much in ten years. Can we go to bed?" His deep voice vibrated against the side of her neck. She nodded in response.

Moments later, Annie was sliding into the cool, dark sheets of Auggie's bed. Immediately he reached out a hand and pulled her close. She turned on her side, so that he could drape a protective arm across her waist. She inhaled deeply, allowing the moment to wash over her; imprinting itself on her brain. Here she lay, in the arms of the man that she'd travelled around the world to escape from. The irony of it all overwhelmed her as she felt her tears begin to fall.

He'd been asleep, but the sound of her crying woke him immediately.

"Hey," he said softly, "it's okay."

She roughly swiped at her eyes. She couldn't even remember the last time she cried. Now that she'd begun she was afraid she'd never stop. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. "I'm sorry—this is ridiculous."

"It's a physiological reaction to a letdown of adrenaline."

She stared at him; mouth agape for a full ten seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter. Auggie's face was initially alarmed, but then his trademark grin appeared. "Not the right thing to say?"

She only laughed harder and soon, tipped over onto her side.

"C'mon Walker, it wasn't that funny."


End file.
